Difficult Conversations

Foundations of Effective Leadership

How to Handle Conflict, Give Feedback, and Deliver Tough Messages with Honesty and Care

1. Why This Matters

Every leader will face moments that are uncomfortable but necessary—delivering critical feedback, addressing conflict, or communicating tough decisions.

Avoiding these moments can lead to:

Misunderstandings
Resentment and mistrust
Poor performance
Toxic culture

But handled well, difficult conversations can:

Build trust and respect
Strengthen accountability
Resolve tension early
Create opportunities for growth

Great leaders don’t avoid hard conversations—they approach them with clarity, courage, and compassion.

2. Why We Avoid Them

Most people avoid difficult conversations because they fear:

Conflict or defensiveness
Damaging relationships
Saying the wrong thing
Emotions getting out of control
Not knowing how to start

That fear is normal—but with the right mindset and structure, you can navigate them skillfully.

3. Key Principles for Leading Difficult Conversations

1. Prepare, Don’t Script

Know the facts and purpose
Anticipate emotions
Stay flexible—real conversations aren’t monologues

2. Stay Focused on Outcomes

Ask yourself:

What do I want for me, for them, and for the relationship?

Keep the focus on growth and resolution, not blame.

3. Be Direct and Compassionate

Say what needs to be said
Avoid sugarcoating or spinning
But deliver it with kindness and care

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” – Brené Brown

4. Listen More Than You Talk

Let them respond
Acknowledge their emotions
Don’t interrupt—people need space to process

5. Separate Intent from Impact

Even if someone didn’t mean harm, their actions may still cause damage. Address the impact without attacking their character.

4. A Simple Conversation Framework: SBI + Listen

Use this structure for clarity and empathy:

S – Situation

State the context briefly.

“In yesterday’s client meeting…”

B – Behavior

Describe what you observed—without judgment.

“…you interrupted the client several times while they were speaking.”

I – Impact

Share the result or how it made others feel.

“That made it harder for them to express their concerns, and it seemed to create tension.”

+ Listen

Pause and let them respond. Show you’re open to hearing their side.

5. Example: Giving Constructive Feedback

“In our last few check-ins, I’ve noticed reports are often submitted a day or two late. That puts pressure on the review process and affects our deadlines.

I know you’ve had a lot on your plate. What’s getting in the way? Let’s talk about what support might help.”

Note:

Focused on behavior, not personality
Acknowledges difficulty without excusing it
Opens space for dialogue and solutions

Practice Activity: Plan a Difficult Conversation

Think of a conversation you’ve been putting off. Answer:

What’s the desired outcome?
What are the facts?
How might they feel?
What’s the core message in 1–2 sentences?

Then draft it using the SBI + Listen model. Practice aloud if needed.

6. Final Thought

Difficult conversations aren’t obstacles to leadership—they are part of leadership.

Handled well, they build honesty, resilience, and respect in your team.