Common Negotiating Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
Even skilled negotiators make mistakes — but the best learn to spot them, fix them, and avoid them in the future.
This lesson outlines the most common pitfalls that undermine successful negotiations, why they happen, and what you can do to stay on track.
“A good negotiator learns tactics. A great negotiator learns from their own and others’ mistakes.”
1. Entering Without Preparation
Mistake:
Showing up without understanding your objectives, the other party’s interests, or the context of the deal.
Why It Happens:
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Overconfidence
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Time pressure
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Underestimating complexity
How to Avoid:
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Know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)
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Research the other party’s needs, pressures, and history
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Define your ideal outcome, walk-away point, and fallbacks
2. Talking Too Much and Listening Too Little
Mistake:
Dominating the conversation or pushing your agenda without actively listening.
Why It Happens:
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Nervousness
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Desire to control the negotiation
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Belief that persuasion equals pressure
How to Avoid:
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Use the 80/20 rule: listen 80%, talk 20%
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Ask open-ended questions
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Reflect back what you hear to confirm understanding
“Silence is often more persuasive than speech.” – Harvard Negotiation Project
3. Focusing on Positions Instead of Interests
Mistake:
Arguing about fixed demands (“I want $10,000”) instead of the underlying needs (“I need to cover costs”).
Why It Happens:
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Habitual bargaining mindset
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Lack of training in interest-based negotiation
How to Avoid:
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Ask: “Why is that important to you?”
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Explore shared goals
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Find multiple options that meet mutual needs
4. Being Too Aggressive (or Too Passive)
Mistake:
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Aggressive: Using threats, ultimatums, or pressure
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Passive: Giving in too quickly or failing to advocate for yourself
Why It Happens:
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Fear of losing the deal
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Lack of confidence
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Mismatched styles
How to Avoid:
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Find a balance: be firm but respectful
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Focus on being assertive, not aggressive
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Use collaborative language: “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us”
5. Making Assumptions Without Clarification
Mistake:
Acting on assumptions about the other side’s needs, limits, or intentions.
Why It Happens:
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Biases or stereotypes
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Rushing the process
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Poor communication
How to Avoid:
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Ask instead of assume
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Check your understanding throughout
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Confirm all key points before closing the deal
6. Revealing Too Much Too Soon
Mistake:
Disclosing your bottom line, urgency, or weaknesses early in the conversation.
Why It Happens:
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Lack of strategy
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Trying to build trust quickly
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Nervous over-sharing
How to Avoid:
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Reveal information strategically, not emotionally
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Build trust through listening and transparency — not vulnerability
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Keep key leverage points private until the timing is right
7. Ignoring Relationship Dynamics
Mistake:
Focusing only on the deal and not the relationship, especially in ongoing partnerships.
Why It Happens:
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Transactional mindset
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Pressure for results
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Cultural or personality mismatches
How to Avoid:
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Build rapport from the beginning
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Show respect and curiosity about the other party’s goals
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Leave every negotiation with the relationship intact — even if no deal is reached
8. Failing to Recognize Power Dynamics
Mistake:
Misreading who holds the real leverage — or failing to use your own wisely.
Why It Happens:
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Over- or underestimating the other side
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Ignoring external pressures or hidden players
How to Avoid:
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Assess both parties’ BATNAs before entering
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Identify hidden power sources (time, alternatives, expertise, reputation)
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Use leverage ethically and strategically — not forcefully
9. Closing Without Clarity
Mistake:
Reaching agreement without clear, documented terms — leading to confusion or dispute later.
Why It Happens:
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Relief that a deal is done
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Assumption that everyone “gets it”
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Verbal agreements left vague
How to Avoid:
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Recap agreements before closing
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Put everything in writing
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Confirm who is responsible for follow-up actions
10. Letting Emotions Take Over
Mistake:
Getting angry, defensive, impatient, or overly attached to the outcome.
Why It Happens:
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High stakes
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Personal pride or ego
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Poor emotional regulation
How to Avoid:
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Take breaks if needed
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Focus on the issues, not personalities
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Practice emotional detachment from the outcome
“Don’t negotiate when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.” – Negotiation adage
Conclusion: Avoiding Mistakes Is Part of Mastery
Negotiation is a skill developed through awareness, reflection, and practice. The most effective negotiators don’t avoid every mistake — they learn from them, course-correct quickly, and constantly improve.